Having checked myself into rehab late last night, suffering from severe emotional distress, I now feel able to respond to Del Boy's crowing.

First, I call on Parliament to declare the next four weeks a period of national mourning.  In the Old Testament, when the Chosen People suffer national disaster at the hands of the ungodly nations, repentance is the only response.  That England, land of John Owen, Jim Packer, and Harry Hill has been crushed by the land of -- well -- Pelagius, Max Boyce and Tom Jones (for those unfamiliar with Wales, that is, incredibly, as good as it gets), is a sure sign that now is the time to repent.

Second, I console myself with the thought that, youthful as I am, on the current regularity of Welsh victories at Twickers, I will only have to face this kind of ragging perhaps once more at most in my lifetime.

Messrs Thomas, Brady, Downes et al: see you in twenty years time.......