How Should We View Our Children?

I cannot recall how many times I met people who honestly told me that they did not want to have children because children would just interfere with their lives. They viewed children as a burden, rather than a blessing. In fact, a certain woman frankly told me that she was too selfish to have a child. She did not want to have a child, because she knew it would mean an inconvenient life.

Do you know how many babies are aborted per day in the U. S.? The answer is heart breaking—approximately 3,700 babies per day. And 93 % of all abortions happen generally because of inconvenience.  Listen to the following statistics:

1% of all abortions occur because of rape or incest; 6% of abortions occur because of potential health problems regarding either the mother or child, and 93% of all abortions occur for social reasons (i.e. the child is unwanted or inconvenient).

In other words, if you were to ask 100 mothers who aborted their children, “Why did you abort your child?” A large number of them would probably say something like this: “Well, because that baby in my womb would just interfere with my education or career.” Or, “I don’t want to have an inconvenient life.”

What?! You aborted your unborn baby simply because you didn’t want to have an inconvenient life?! Of course, it can be inconvenient to have a baby. You will experience sleepless nights as you nurse your baby in the middle of the night or rock your sick baby to sleep. You will have additional expenses, messes to clean up; and, your days will not always go according to your schedule. Children can indeed “interfere” with some of our plans.

Of course, it is difficult to raise a child. Being a parent comes with great responsibilities (you provide for your children, take care of them, train them in the way they should go, correct and discipline them, and the list goes on and on). Such responsibilities are not always easy to do, especially if a child has a physical or mental disability.

And, of course, it can be stressful to have children. Kids can sometimes be annoying. They can test your patience. Having children requires sacrifice. You need to sacrifice your time, your comfort, and sometimes your dreams. Oh, but the joy of parenting surpasses its stress and sacrifice. The blessing of parenthood outweighs its discomfort.

My wife and I have five children. Yes, I don’t deny the difficulty of parenting. But, with God’s help, I can say that the delight of parenting exceeds its difficulty. Money cannot buy the joy of hearing your child’s heartbeat for the first time, the joy of hearing your child say “Mama” or “Dada” for the first time, the joy of feeling your child’s arms wrap around your neck, the joy of watching your children grow and learn, and, the Lord willing, the joy of hearing them confess with their mouths that Jesus is their Lord and Savior (Rom. 10:9).

Some of you may say, “That’s wonderful, but what if I will have a child who will never be able to do any of those things due to a physical or mental disability?” I cannot begin to imagine the heartache of parents whose child is physically or mentally disabled. However, one thing I do know is that there can be comfort and joy in knowing that our children are created for God’s glory and for our good (Rom. 8:28).

Let me share this story that I once heard from my mother-in-law.

There was a God-fearing woman in the Netherlands who had a child born to her that was totally disabled. The child could not walk, could not talk, and could not respond. The child lay this way for 18 years. One day, as the mother stood, looking at her child, she felt rebellion and despair in her heart, and said out loud, “Why were you ever created? Why were you ever born?” All of a sudden, this child who never spoke, said, “To glorify God forever.” And then, the child died.

So, if you are one of those who don’t want to have children because of fear that your children might just interfere with your life, I encourage you to rethink your view of children. Children are not a burden but a blessing, created for God’s glory. As the Bible says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD” (Ps. 127:3). In Hebrew the word heritage (also translated as inheritance) indicates that ultimately our children are not a result of our work. When you receive an inheritance from your parents (a sum of money), you receive it as a gift from them. You did not work for it; they did! They simply gave it to you out of their own good pleasure. Likewise, ultimately it is our God who makes children. And he gives them to us as a gift out of his own good pleasure. Children are one of the ways that God chooses to bless us and to glorify himself.

Therefore, to those of you who do not want to have children because you think they will just be a burden and inconvenience, may you repent of your unbiblical view of children and may you begin to see God’s grand and glorious design in blessing parents with children.

Now, to those of us who already have children, may I lovingly ask you: How do you view your children? A burden or a blessing? When Esau asked his brother Jacob, “Who are these with you?” Jacob said, “The children whom God has graciously given your servant” (Gen. 33:5). Here, Jacob viewed his children as a gracious gift from God. Truly, our children are an undeserved gift from God. God could have chosen others to become parents of your children. Instead, God chose you to be a parent of your children. Let us then thank and praise God for our children. May we never regard them as a burden but as a blessing from God—from whom all blessings flow. And may God grant us grace, as we train up our children in the way they should go, so that when they are old they will not depart from it (Prov. 22:6). 

Born and reared in the Philippines, Dr. Brian G. Najapfour holds a ThM from Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary and a PhD from Theological University of Apeldoorn. He has been a minister of the gospel since 2001 and has served both in the Philippines and in the U.S. He now lives in Canada, pastoring Heritage Reformed Congregation of Jordan, Ontario. He has authored and coedited numerous books and has contributed several articles to journals, periodicals, and encyclopedias. He and his wife Sarah have five children.