People-Pleasers vs. People-Lovers

Edward Welch makes a great distinction in his book, When People Are Big and God Is Small.  After mentioning 1 Thess. 2:4, “but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts,” he distinguishes between being a people-pleaser and a people-lover, saying,

Paul was not a people-pleaser. He was a people-lover, and because of that he did not change his message according to what others might think. Only people-lovers are able to confront. Only people-lovers are not controlled by other people. (41)

There is an important difference between the two. A people-lover fears God over man. This reverence for God causes them to have a genuine love for others. So often we like to confuse the two. We like to think of the people-pleaser as the godly person. They make us feel special. They’re easy to get along with. They can please you all the way down your own path of unrighteousness. There are many times in life when you realize that you cannot be both a people-pleaser and a people-lover. Which is it going to be? People-loving can come with consequences. Not everyone appreciates the love. They will not be pleased. I hate confrontation. That’s because I struggle with being a people-pleaser. I hate to see people uncomfortable. But God loves us enough to make us uncomfortable. That’s where the change happens. Here’s another question: Do you surround yourself with people-pleasers or people-lovers? People-lovers are often accused of the opposite. It doesn’t feel loving when someone points out that you may be in error. It doesn’t feel loving when they are being used by the Holy Spirit to convict you of sin. Of course, not everyone who points out sin in your life is doing it out of love. We can usually tell the difference. But what does it say about us if we surround ourselves with people-pleasers? Jesus was no people-pleaser; he was a people-lover. He spoke to please his Father, and was controlled by no one. Christ’s love for all those the Father gave him took him straight to the cross. But he loved us enough not only to die for our sins, not only to give us his righteousness, but to confront us with our true condition and convict our hearts to true repentance. Those of us who have received the gospel message are now entrusted with it. We have a confession of hope that we can hold fast to because our God is faithful to his promise. So let us speak to please God and surround ourselves with those who do.