Vulnerable Strength

Do you have someone in your life that you think of as strong? Of course you do, I can think of at least a handful of people I look up to for their strength. Whether in the church, family, or in business, they are usually in some sort of leadership position. They are the ones that you turn to for advice because they seem to make good decisions in their own lives. Sometimes they make it look easy. It may seem like they have their life together in a way that we may never learn. Because of this, we can develop a false perception about what strength is, and may forget that they go through pain just like we do. I have been on both sides of this scenario. The Strong One? Ten summers ago, Matt and I decided it was time to move out of our Maryland townhouse. Our family of four was starting to outgrow it and we wanted to soon have a third child. The housing market was at its peak, so we would be able to get significantly more for our house than we originally bought it for. As we began the search for a new home, I fell in love with an A-frame house in Harpers Ferry, West Virginia. We began the bidding to put a contract on the house. Meanwhile, we were getting ready to go on a short mission trip with a group from our church to Mississippi. Matt and I busted our butts cleaning and staging our townhouse before we left to put it on the market. Before we drove out of the development for our trip, we had the townhouse up for sale and a verbal contract established on the new house. With the timing of the deal we were making, we were going to have to get a fax with the actual contract while we were in Mississippi. We were teaming up with a huge church near the Mississippi neighborhood that we were going to serve. Our church group was camping out in their youth wing. I remember the stress my husband and I were under while we were waiting for this fax and getting ready to make such a big life change. It all happened so fast. And yet, my mind had already painted the cabinets of the new house red. I already pictured myself having my coffee on the deck that backed into the woods. The fax didn’t arrive. We waited. And waited. Finally, our realtor called and broke us the bad news that the sellers had been playing us against another buyer. They took the other deal. A couple of hours later, we received another call from our realtor with an offer on our house, significantly higher than our asking price. The pressure had gotten to me. I was so disappointed to be losing what I thought of as a dream house, and Matt and I didn’t know what to do about the offer we just received. The tears began pooling in my eyes as I buried my face in my husband’s chest. The weird part was the reaction of one of my closest friends. She lived in the townhouse right beside mine, and was in the woman’s Bible study that I taught. As good friends, we had shared many struggles with one another. She looked at me stunned. All she could blurt out was, “I can’t believe I’m seeing you cry…I’ve never seen you cry before!” Huh? I didn’t get it. I thought it was clear to my friend that I was as weak as the next guy. She had seen me deal with some weighty trials and I had never camouflaged the pain. At least I didn't think I did. I cry at sad movies. Heck, I even get teary-eyed at a moving commercial. But my friend had never seen me this vulnerable. She thought of me as strong, and was shocked to see me crying. That moment has stuck with me. I was surprised by my friend’s perception of me. I guess I am considered a strong person, but that doesn’t mean that I am not also very weak. Actually, I think much of my strength is in recognizing how utterly weak I really am. But I must not have been conveying that well to my friend. The Other Side And then I was on the other side. I had someone I look up to ask for prayer. They didn’t share many details, but were overwhelmed with the pressures of leadership to the point that they were tempted to just throw in the towel. Now I was the one stunned. I knew there was no way they would step down from leadership, but the fact that they were struggling so painfully was a wake up call for me. Strong people struggle just as much as everyone else. They probably suffer more because they take on other people’s burdens and expectations. Both Sides Both of my friends have taught me something about strength. It’s not what we think it is. In the first scenario, I realized that I was what some consider to be a strong person. I guess I had already known that, but that experience taught me some things about how others perceived my strength. As a Bible study teacher, I felt I needed to be strong for others and set a good example. But I realized that maybe I wasn’t being vulnerable enough to show others that I was susceptible to everything they were. Maybe I had some pride peppered in the way I held myself as well. My strength is in the Lord alone, and not in my own determination. Was my perceived strength actually a barrier to better service? In the second scenario I was reminded that those who we admire for their strength need just as much prayer as we do, if not more. But I also learned something about being strong. My friend wasn’t too prideful to admit their struggle and ask for prayer. Their strength was not superficial. Acknowledging the strength they desperately needed was lacking, they not only turned to the Lord in dependence, but to a fellow believer to also go to the Lord on their behalf. I am reminded of what the Spirit taught Paul, and he in turn taught us about strength: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:9-10).