Twas Just Days Before Christmas...

Twas just days before Christmas and in the bunker underground

The spin was still spinning, but the Ref Pack could not be found.

Extra paper clips and gum held their stockings with care

With hopes that the Puppet Master soon would visit there.

The cohosts were doing some last minute shopping

Taking a break from their work but the spin wasn’t stopping.

They thought about all they had mortified this year

It was a bit overwhelming so they stopped for a beer.

Patriarchy, plagiarism, baptism, and Big Eva

How Aimee can be one of the guys, but still such a diva.

The IPA glistened and the Christmas music played

As they thought about all of the friends they could’ve made.

When all of the sudden they heard an altercation

And arose from their break to inspect the situation.

They looked left and looked right, yet the shoppers seemed unconcerned.

But as they looked towards the Christian bookstore their fear was confirmed.

Then what to their wondering eyes did they see

But the MAD woman climbing the Christmas book tree

Outraged at the “Christian” trinkets and books on display,

Her madness must have grown two sizes that day.

It happened so quickly, in the blink of an eye,

I can hardly describe it, but I’ll give it a try.

The trio ran rapidly, weaving in and out of the crowd

To come to her rescue and for once make her proud.

She shouted their names with her fist in a clinch

While she trampled on Steven Furtick, Ed Young, and Carl Lentz.

Her curls were exceptionally boisterous and her cheeks were quite rosy

The Christian retailers were alerted and starting to get nosey.

Resolute she continued to cry, “On Carl! on Aimee! on Todd!

Cut through this spin and expose the facade!”

That’s when her foot slipped and the tree began to crash.

She threw out their gifts that she’d been carrying in a stash.

Jack Daniels for Aimee, and for Todd a new pipe

And to remind Carl of home, a big dish of tripe.

Carl and Todd distracted the workers with their balding glare

While Aimee swung garland and lassoed MAD right out of the air.

Book covers boasting sparkling white teeth peppered the floor

As security ushered the Ref Pack right out the door.

MAD pleaded, “There’s plenty of writers that should never go to print!”

But on their way out she grabbed a Testamint.

With a puff of his pipe, Todd held onto his belly

That shook, when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.

Carl warned that spin is never far away

And bid them back to the bunker without delay.

The shoppers heard them exclaim, ere they were whisked out of sight,

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”