Shocking Headlines Shake Reformed World!!!!!

Against my better judgment, I bought a copy of Reformed Man Today, that patriarchal periodical of male chauvinism par excellence.  Apart from the distasteful front cover photo of the execrable Trotter brothers, Del-Boy and Rodney, holding copies of their new book, The Rise of Peckham as a World Power and End-Time Prophecy (Really Moody Blues Press), there were a number of headlines that, quite frankly, shook me to my core.

Most disturbing was `Princeton Professor Disagrees with Members of Westminster Faculty on Important Matters of Theological Orthodoxy.'  Readers of my recently published The Dissonant Vocalities of Westminster Seminary : A Post-Emergent Narratological Dehistory (St Olaf Seminary Press), will know that WTS was planted by PTS in 1929 as a satellite campus of Princeton, under the leadership of  PTS profs, J Gresham Machen (New Testament), O T Allis (Old Testament), and `Legs' Larry Smith (Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band).  Well, now, apparently, out of nowhere a dangerous and shocking rift has opened between the mothership and the insolent child: see the full story at http://thomasgoodwin.wordpress.com/2008/05/22/review-of-mccormacks-essay/#more-341   

Of course, as a crucially important person in the whole process, I did overcome my natural humility and shyness (see Prov. 31:26), and phoned WTS, demanding to speak to the Dean; but, after being put on hold (did you know that the holding muzack at the WTS Dean's Office is Robert Plant singing endless verses of the Internationale??!!??  Coincidence?????  I don't think so!!!!), I was told by one Comrade Olga Dunsonova that - get this -- `Commissar Putin was unavailable for comment'!!!!!  Frankly, as my good friend, Dr. Hysteria Snaptwig, would say, unless his wife is in the final stages of labor with sextuplets while simultaneously having a heart-lung transplant, there can never be anything - and I mean ANYTHING - more important than speaking to me!!!!!

And the hits keep coming!!   Not only are we living in strange times when Princeton professors disagree with their counterparts at Westminster, but get a load of these other  shocking stories breaking in this latest edition of RMT:

Page 7: `Protestant world in turmoil as Pope Benedict XVI confesses "I am a Catholic."'

Page 9: `It's official: European Commission admits "Luxembourg is a small country."'

Page 16: `Shares in companies making portable toilets plunge on Wall Street as grizzly bear tells reporters "Look, guys, I usually just go and relieve myself in the woods."'

As Groucho Marx once said, All that is solid melts into air!