The Single's Choice, Part 1

Editor's Note: If you haven’t already, go back and read Part 1, 2, 3, and 4 to catch up with where we are at!)

BREAKING NEWS: a runner has tripped and fallen during their race!

Wait, that runner looks familiar…It’s you.

What happened that put you flat on your face?

CUE INSTANT REPLAY.

Okay, just minutes before, it looks like you have a pretty good pace going. You are excited about your personal progress as you continue training with your eyes on the prize. Steps have been taken to invest yourself in the lives of others as their coach and encourager.

WAIT.

Pause right there. Rewind the tape.

Did you just see the shift in your eyes? You seem distracted by that friend ahead of you who just got married. Am I sensing jealousy?

Then, you started looking around for other solo runners of the opposite gender. There’s one up ahead. You obviously picked up the pace to get next to them and try and start a conversation. They stick around a little but then pick up the speed and move on past. Dead end.

Now a hopeful runner saunters up alongside you. Given the half second of attention you gave them, clearly you are not interested. You move on past them and keep looking.

Much to your chagrin, the track is looking quite sparse.

Suddenly you become frantic. A look of desperation in your eyes. The distraction is clear. You start to veer off course.

And now here we are, back with that great camera shot of you flat on your face.

What was the ultimate cause of your fall? You tripped over a rock. Etched with the word DISCONTENTMENT.

How long will that fall take you out of the race? And how often will you find yourself tripping over it again? Friend, that is up to you.

What More Can Be Said about Contentment?

I do not think I have to spend any length of time telling singles to be content. I’d just be beating a dead horse.

We do not lack resources on how to fight for contentment. Most sermons on singleness focus on it. Plenty of books and podcasts talk about it. I doubt I would bring any profound new perspective on this issue. Many of them have probably said it better than I ever could.

What I can seek to do is share some lessons the Lord has taught me in my pursuit of contentment in my singleness and pray He will use it to sanctify you as well.

1. We will never do anything that makes us deserve marriage.

Do you remember that though good, marriage is not among the vast and glorious promises given us in Scripture? Yet, you may think that you have run your race in such a way that God “owes” you a spouse as a “reward.” Maybe you even compare yourself to someone else in a relationship and wonder why He let that happen to them when you are “clearly more godly than they are.”

I vividly remember the moment that thought entered my own head. I also still feel the weight of conviction that immediately followed when I remembered what I actually deserve is hell. And that thought of entitlement, jealousy, and envy was enough to send me there (Jam. 2:10).

Do any of those thoughts characterize your life? Take some time to repent of them and ask Him to give you a more biblical perspective of yourself and what you deserve. Then, search the Scripture to find out what He says about the rewards that are waiting for us at the finish line (1 Cor. 15:58, Col. 3:23-24, 2 Tim. 4:8).

It also may not hurt to start praying for your future spouse if He has that person for you. Why? They will be stuck with YOU, along with all the remaining sin yet to be sanctified, for the rest of their life. Yikes.

2. Discontentment expresses a lack of trust in God’s character and work.

Think about it. Scripture tells us that He is omniscient, omnipotent, sovereign, good, and wise. He is our heavenly Father who loved us enough to send His Son to die for us. He created the world in seven days, opened the barren wombs of multiple women, led the Israelites across the Red Sea on dry land, brought His people back to Israel after exile, etc.

Do you not think that if He thought marriage was good for you, He would make it happen?

I came across this line in the Valley of Vision that has rung in my ears for months now: “Keep my wishes from growing into willings, my willings from becoming fault-finding with thy providences, and have mercy on me.”

Ouch.

Have you ever thought about it that way before? We find fault with His providence by allowing a desire to become something we must have.

Doesn’t that sound just like Eve back in the garden (Gen. 3:5-6)? Clearly not much has changed in six thousand years. We still want to be like God, deciding what is right and wrong and directing our own destiny to ensure we get exactly what we want at the exact moment we want it.

3. Marriage will not cure your discontentment.

I hate to burst your bubble, but normal life is not like a Hallmark movie.

Friends have told me that marriage is hard work. What do you expect from two sinners living together all the time? You will likely experience moments when you wonder what you have done or miss the independence you once enjoyed. And do you know what that is? Discontentment.

Therefore, it is essential to cultivate a lifestyle of contentment where the Lord has you right now. If not, nothing will get better when you get what you want. There will always be something that dissatisfies.

Since you cannot resolve discontentment with external things, it must start in the heart (Ps. 86:11, Mt. 15:19). Therefore, humbly ask the Spirit to reveal those attitudes and thoughts deep in your heart that make you discontent. As He does, repent and ask Him for His strength to do what it takes to fight them. Then, pray that you will desire Him and His Word more than anything else and that He will satisfy you (Ps. 19:10, 63:5, 73:25, 107:9, 119:72).

(To be continued…)

Madelyn Moses serves as the producer of Side by Side Productions, currently working on a docuseries on a biblical view of singleness, launching Fall 2023. She earned her MA in Biblical Studies from The Master’s University (Santa Clarita, CA). She resides in Bucks County, PA and attends The Master’s Church of Bucks County in Richboro, PA.