When I was diagnosed with a rare cancer in 2010, our church family came alongside us and cared for us through several months of treatment. That experience made me passionate about how the body of Christ bears one another’s burdens and cares for the suffering. Our PCA church is seeking to do this more intentionally, so I was eager to read Alongside Care: A Vision for Churches to Care for Women in Crisis. As I read the book, I shared portions of it with my husband, who serves as a ruling elder, and we talked about how this type of ministry could be implemented in our church.

So when I read Ann Hall’s review of Alongside Care, I was surprised by her reaction. I firmly believe that authors are accountable for their words, and that we should always read with discernment. However, I was disappointed to read a review that takes quotes out of context, misrepresents the message of the book, and doesn’t approach disagreements with kindness and respect toward brothers and sisters in Christ.

In this response, I hope to present a more balanced perspective of the authors’ message in Alongside Care and answer questions raised by Mrs. Hall’s review. While a detailed debate over women’s roles and responsibilities in the church is beyond the scope of this article, I hope to reassure potential readers that this book describes a specific type of women’s ministry that can be implemented without compromising our faithfulness to Scripture and PCA polity.

How does Alongside Care portray church elders?

Let me start by saying that Alongside Care, like any other book written by humans, should be read carefully and applied with wisdom. There are sentences, some of which are highlighted by Mrs. Hall’s review, that I would have worded differently to avoid confusion. Some of the churches mentioned in the book use the terms “woman shepherd” or “shepherdess” to refer to their alongside caregivers. I worry that these terms could be confusing to church members who don’t understand the PCA’s view on ordination. I understand that some of the descriptions of women and their leadership in ministry, especially when taken out of context from the rest of the book, could cause concern in our complementarian circles.

However, I disagree with much of Mrs. Hall’s description of the book, starting with the way the book portrays church elders. Mrs. Hall states that Alongside Care is “degrading” to elders and that the book depicts elders as “useless,” “insensitive,” “a hindrance to the church,” and generally incapable of fulfilling their responsibility of shepherding women. If this were true, it would certainly be problematic and worthy of the harsh criticism she gives.

But that is not the message of this book. While women are described as leaders in women’s ministry, the book never advocates a leadership role of a woman over the elders or even over other men. The authors constantly remind readers that women giving alongside care are not elders, do not replace elders, are serving the elders, and are under the authority of the elders. Consider these statements from the book:

• “Lastly, an Alongside Care Ministry is not a group of women elders shepherding the women of the church. An Alongside Care Ministry seeks to be a resource to the ordained elders of the church, coming alongside them in their responsibility to shepherd the flock of God. It does so under their authority” (Alongside Care, p. 19).
• “The spiritual authority and pastoral responsibility remain with the ordained leaders. God has set them apart as under-shepherds. Therefore, pastoral decisions must remain with them, as the Lord will hold them accountable for how they care for the people God has given them (Heb. 13:17)” (Alongside Care, p. 49).

These sentences presuppose that elders are caring for the congregation, because it has been repeatedly stated in the book that they have been appointed by God to do so. (See pages 44-45 on the shepherding responsibility of elders.) The book assumes churches have elders committed to their God-given role.  

However, Mrs. Hall doesn’t believe the authors when they repeatedly affirm the responsibility and authority of ordained male elders. She writes: “Alongside Care pays lip service, almost as if AI-generated, to the idea that yes, God placed ordained men to be elders and to lead his church—it’s just that they aren’t constituted to do it very well.”

I don’t know why Mrs. Hall chooses to not take the authors at their word regarding women’s role in the church. With this quote, she accuses them being insincere and poor writers, and she could even be implying they plagiarized from AI. Either way, it seems that anytime the book mentions women as helpers, Mrs. Hall believes this undermines the role of the elders. This brings us to our second key question.

Does receiving help undermine the role of ordained elders?

In her review, Mrs. Hall highlights a quote from page 17, which quotes Susan Hunt’s book Spiritual Mothering: The Titus 2 Model for Women Mentoring Women. This quote makes a true statement that men haven’t experienced certain things that are unique to women, such as childbirth and menopause. Mrs. Hall claims this reveals the book’s “hidden feminism.” She implies the authors are saying women cannot be shepherded by men and asks if we should “lesbianize the church” so women can be understood.

She also highlights quotes from Alongside Care which mention the burdens of elders, their busy lives, and the idea that some of the emotional issues related to ministering to women may be overwhelming or cause them to feel inadequate. We should note that these sentences from page 45 of the book were penned by a man, not by a woman who finds men to be inferior or ill-equipped.

In this same chapter, Dr. Stephen Estock traces the word “helper” throughout Scripture to show that helpers are not only beneficial but essential in ministry. Titus 2:4-5 confirms that ordained leaders are not the only ones teaching and training in the church: older women are to teach and train younger women. When elders call on spiritually mature, specifically-trained women to assist, they are not calling their own qualifications into question or setting aside their God-given responsibility. They are showing wisdom, knowing they are not infinite, omniscient, or omnipotent.

God has called elders to lead, shepherd, teach, and exercise church discipline, among other things. But He has not called them to meet every need in the church. There are certain tasks which elders must carry out alone; there are others that can be wisely delegated or for which they can receive assistance.

An analogy might be helpful as we consider the authority structure present in both the church and the home. When my daughter was approaching adolescence, I had conversations with her that would have been more challenging for my husband to have. It’s not that my husband is insensitive, a hindrance to our family, or incapable of having those discussions. But it was wise for him to delegate those conversations to me. I was responsible for talking to my daughter within the bounds of our family’s beliefs and in submission to my husband’s leadership. A similar dynamic is being proposed by this book when it comes to caring for women in sensitive situations in our churches.

Should elders only be helped by their wives?

At times, Mrs. Hall gives the impression that the elders don’t need help. At other times, she says they should only receive help from their wives. Is this a biblical requirement of elders’ wives?

First Timothy 3:4-7 implies that elders’ wives should be faithful church members, not hindering the reputation of their husbands or their church. If we interpret 1 Timothy 3:11 as referring to deacons’ and elders’ wives, but not all women generally, we can add the requirement that they are “dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things.” However, I cannot find a scriptural basis for the argument that elders’ wives must be willing or qualified for the specific type of ministry described in this book.

I also don’t see a scriptural basis for the claim that elders, in their role as church officers, can only be helped by their wives. When crises strike, women benefit from a relationship that goes beyond ordinary friendship. It is burdensome to expect only elders’ wives to fill this role if God has not required it of them.

Is Alongside Care a tedious slog through more soft feminism?

The primary reason I wanted to write this response to Mrs. Hall’s review is that I don’t believe she represents the book accurately. As I compared the quotes she highlights with the book itself, I found several sentences that are taken out of context, giving an skewed impression of the book’s message. Here are a few examples:

• Mrs. Hall quotes pages 49 and 50 of the book and gives the impression that these sentences condone women showing elders how they are allowed to teach and possibly even having a different gospel for different genders. However, if you look at these quotes in context, the author is talking about church discipline. In a situation that may be emotionally charged, biblical instruction can be faithful to Scripture while also being communicated in a way that addresses the woman’s heart. The author is not talking about women having authority over elders or telling them how to exercise their teaching office. This same page of the book affirms the spiritual authority and pastoral responsibility of elders (p. 49, cited above).
• On page 51, alongside caregivers are referred to as “tried and trusted leaders,” and Mrs. Hall questions why elders aren’t considered tried and trusted leaders. The book’s author refers to alongside caregivers this way because the ministry plan includes extensive training for spiritually mature women in this role. In that sense, these women are tried and trusted leaders—but that doesn’t mean the elders aren’t tried and trusted leaders as well. The church is not a zero-sum game in which acknowledging the gifts of one group detracts from the gifts of another.
• Quotes from pages 18 and 21 are used to point out an apparent contradiction regarding whether or not alongside care is biblical counseling. In context, the book is clearly using two different meanings of the word counseling. On page 18, it is referring to professional counseling, and on page 21, it is talking about giving advice and encouragement.
• One of the last quotes shared by Mrs. Hall comes from page 51 and mentions that women’s ministry leaders have a “deeper understanding of the issues and debate that went into the [elders’] decision” and can help communicate it to the congregation. Mrs. Hall believes this quote is describing “female Illuminati” who have “secret knowledge” and a better understanding than the elders. In this paragraph in the book, the author clearly says that the women’s ministry leaders have a deeper understanding than the rest of the congregation because the elders have explained the decision to them. The author isn’t arguing that the women have secret knowledge or a better understanding than the elders.
• Mrs. Hall also claims the book refers to the alongside caregivers as a “divine” class of elites, drawing the word divine from page 57. She quotes the complete sentence elsewhere in the review, but her use of the word “divine” at this point is not true to the way the word is used by the author. While I concur that this sentence in the book could have been written more clearly, I believe the intended message is that God has given the women spiritual gifts to serve the elders and the church. The author of this chapter has given us no reason to think that he believes in a divine class of women who are superior to elders, and it’s unfair to characterize his view that way.
• When Mrs. Hall repeatedly refers to the book’s characterization of female alongside caregivers as “female Illuminati,” she misrepresents the book’s portrayal of alongside care. On page 80, the author explains that “a solid and deeply lived theology” is a key qualification for this ministry, even more so than life experience. Page 101 describes the importance of biblical methodology as they approach life’s struggles with women in crisis. Chapter 7 outlines an intense, in-depth training in Reformed doctrine and practical theology. The book doesn’t describe a ministry that elevates women to leadership roles above ordained elders, and it certainly doesn’t claim that women have secret knowledge solely because they’re female. When the book describes the ways women can assist the elders, it assumes they’ve been appropriately gifted by the Lord and thoroughly trained by church leadership.

I wonder if Mrs. Hall reacted to the book so negatively because she fears that churches could implement the ideas in this book in a manner that is unfaithful to Scripture and PCA polity. I understand that concern, and I commend her for her commitment to the purity of the church and the need for discernment.

However, let’s keep in mind that all our human undertakings are tainted by our sin and could become problematic. Should we stop having fellowship lunches because someone may gossip? Of course not. Likewise, the possibility of women in the church usurping the elders’ authority should not prevent us from encouraging women to use their spiritual gifts in appropriate ways. The body of Christ can and should benefit from the variety of gifts God has given, always exercising discernment as we strive to be faithful to the Lord in all that we do. 

Conclusion

When it comes to women caring for women in our churches, Alongside Care seeks to provide a framework that honors God’s Word and His prescribed order for gender roles and church leadership. There may be differences in the terminology we use and the specific ways we implement such a ministry. Some churches may not need for a formal ministry like the one described in this book. I can understand how Alongside Care could prompt thoughtful dialogue about how to care for women in a biblical, complementarian context.  

However, I hope we can engage in that dialogue with respect and love toward our brothers and sisters in Christ. When someone promotes grave error, false teaching, or heresy, harsh words are necessary, just as Paul modelled for us in Galatians 3. But when other believers are striving to be faithful, smaller areas of disagreement should be handled with gentleness as we all seek to serve and glorify the Lord Jesus Christ.

Marissa Henley is a writer, speaker, and author of Loving Your Friend Through Cancer: Moving Beyond “I’m Sorry” to Meaningful Support. She and her husband have three children and are members of Trinity Grace Church (PCA) in Rogers, Arkansas.